I don't really know how else to start posting on this new blog. I have a cooking blog already and that's easy to jump on. I just sit down, start typing about food and memories and how I spend my days. Makin' some little jokes, getting my cleverness on. You know, posts about yummy food, some flashy pictures that you can "borrow" from all the cool recipe websites on the Internet and make your page looks all glossy and delicious. But, this is a different genre. A whole 'nother kinda animal. This is supposed to be serious, an insight into my deepest darkest days and nights. I wouldn't say that my world really stopped spinning, but I did feel it hit the brakes one afternoon. I suppose that's when the real spinning began. This blog is supposed to be about me and my big, ole aneurysms. It's about a stroke and surgeries, procedures, hospitals, doctors. Did I mention doctors? Not just doctors. Hell no, we're talking Neurosurgeons, for God's sakes. Now, that's some scary shit. Yes, certainly this isn't about pies and cakes, meat loafs, butter beans and quiche. I didn't even know how to spell aneurysm or neurosurgeon 8 months ago. I had the e & u's mixed up and just this minute, right now noticed that its the same in both words. Huh. Another aha moment, but I digress..... Thank goodness for Google and for spellcheck, at least I won't look like I can't spell. Back in the day, I was a spellin' wizard, but as of late, with the bump on the brain and all, there's some fog lingering around up there that doesn't always clear up, even when the sun comes out. Guess you could say, I have partly cloudy days, grateful for any sunshine. Always grateful for the warmth. But, to give myself some credit while considering the subject of this new blog; spelling lots of big, ole medical terms is no longer a big deal for me- most of the time. I've gotten really adept at educating myself with what's available to me online. So when I do come across something new and unfamiliar on the Internet, an article or when I get a new "something-or another" term thrown at me during a follow up visit, I'm a pretty good student and have gotten really good with your basic Aneurysm 101. And let's get this straight right from the get-go. You will not hear or see me using the term "annie" referring to any of my aneurysms. That acronym is far to cute for the son of a bitch I 've met and had to cope with these past few months. I'm giving that sucker every damn letter in the whole, stinking word. Also, probably much to the chagrin of my BAF, www.baf.com (Brain Aneurysm Foundation) comrades, I firmly believe that an Aneurysm is all that it is cracked up to be and gets star billing in this blog, at least for the time being. No pussy footin' around this and being cute, this is not a furry little cartoon character we're referring to. This is a killer and it's in my head and I hate it. So, it is a son of a bitch and I will give it its due.
If you are already put off by the curse words or tone, may I recommend that you take a look at www.comfortcook.blogspot.com for a softer, more gentler side of Lisa Gaye Schmidt. It's a funny blog with lots of great recipes. However, do not forget for one minute that Comfortcook and I are one and the same. We share the same brain, therefore Ole Comfortcook herself has not had the best year, either. She's taken a leave from blogging and faced the same challenges. Try focusing with sparks and fireflies whizzing by in your head. Or so tired you want to just sleep for days. Waking up with headaches that feel like one whole entire side of your head is filled with a water balloon and the weight is just too much to lift on the pillow. Being nauseous from all the medicine if you happen to take one pill out of order or off schedule and then the whole day turns to shit and nothing works but laying down and being quiet. This world is not built for people who need quiet. But, our Comfortcook has a friendlier topic and offers something everyone is interested in. Yes, she's gonna have prettier pictures to look at. Prettier than what you're more likely to see on this blog. But, I do dig the butterfly at the top, don't you? A Black Swallowtail. Different and unusual. Beautifully different, but dark.
So what will we do in this blog? What can we expect? I'm addressing "we", 'cause I'm not really sure how this will all spill out or come down. I have made a promise to myself that I am going to write this as if I don't know who's reading it or that I care to impress with my grammar, big words, my tone or apologize for my thoughts and feelings. This is a totally selfish effort that I expect to help me work through some of the fears, questions and feelings that I'm experiencing in my own bruised up head. As I continue being treated and while I'm still healing you will see in this blog, a real account of how my life changed and how those folks I love have had to accept those changes. I'm not the only one diagnosed with this, those who love me the most are dealing with their own versions of the big, bad aneurysm blues. They have their stories, too. I'll blog about how your entire world can get a little darker really quickly and the fact that there are some fabulously, brilliant folks out there that do amazing things in medicine while the rest of us are busy living our lives. And most importantly, I want to let folks know that miracles do happen, EVERY DAY to ordinary, albeit cute people.
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